Our villa was at the end of a dirt track, past a farm, through a field of corn and it’s there. Over the years we have stayed in a range of villas; Villa Wow, Villa Hollywood and now Villa Rustica. This is very different to our previous accomodation. Imagine a barn conversion combined with a Monastery and you get the idea.  

It has more bedrooms than you’d know what to do with.  It has 5 bedrooms and can sleep 13. The first job was deciding who had what bedroom.  We roamed around, and ummed and ahhed. 4 had en-suites, 2 had to share a bathroom, 2 downstairs, 4 upstairs, all of them with various bed combinations.  Having been up since 3:45 this was a challenge, but eventually we decided on 3 of the bedrooms upstairs; Mum and dad had the room with 2 singles pushed together (no fighting over the covers for them); myself and Karen went for the double with the extra single (which I have taken over with various camera bits and cables) and Nik has gone for the one with the double bed and the en-suite literally behind the bed.  Carla, who showed us around, referred to it as the “romantic room”, however I don’t think having the toilet 2 feet from your headboard is that romantic.  The others can fight over their rooms when they arrive. 

The other thing that this place has by the shed-load are tables. Long tables. As we walked in we saw the dining room table which looked like it belonged in a monastery; then in the kitchen there was another one, with benches, which looked like it belonged in a monastery; and outside another long one, which looked like it belonged in a monastery, if the monks had a penchant for plastic table cloths. We have used the outside one the most. We are planning on using the inside one today, and we can’t actually use the one in the kitchen as it’s storing various items of food, drink and paper napkins. 

So we know where we can sleep, where we can eat; obviously the next most important thing is the wifi. Carla showed us the router on the landing.  I had actually already connected before she told us but I just faked surprise.  Being so remote, its satellite broadband is as fast as it was at home in the nineties; but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.  It’s only when I come to Spain I realise that my phone actually receives a 3G as well as a 4G signal, so I shouldn’t complain.  

The phone signal is a bit sporadic. Carla did warn us that there were a few black spots (namely the whole house except for the front bench) and with the walls being so thick the wifi doesn’t stretch too far outside (namely anywhere outdoors) so we are virtually off the grid (unless you are happy to pop inside…which I am. “Ooooh, it’s a bit warm, I’ll just pop inside”; “Anyone fancy a drink…I’ll just pop inside”; “Don’t worry, I’ll fetch that from the bedroom…I’ll just pop inside”). 

Another thing the villa does have a lot of are childrens activities.  We have a table tennis table, a dart board, baby foot (or table football or fuseball or whatever you want to call it), swings, a Wendy house (which Karen can fit in) and an 8 hole crazy golf course.  Yes you did hear correctly.  An 8 hole crazy golf course.  However we only have 2 clubs, one left handed, one right handed.  Some may see that as being a hindrance, I see it as being a challenge.   I intend to leave this place being an ambidextrous golfer.  I shall be able to putt equally as bad with either hand. 

Once we had all the formalities out of the way and said goodbye to our hostess, we collected our shopping bags and headed off to Carrefour for the big shop. 

Tomorrow: “So you don’t speak English or Spanish…”