La Villa Wow sits in a large area of land. The size of which has been a constant source of debate. On the first night we tried to estimate exactly how big. The combined brain power of 6 people, 5 iPads and 6 iPhones came up with a variety of measurements in acres, hectares and cubits…you name it we tried it.  The most unlikely value was 17 billion square feet.  (I have to admit it was late, we had all been up since 3 am and were on the second bottle of cava when we came up with the 17 billion figure).

Yesterday I grasped the nettle (figuratively and literally) and walked the perimeter of the grounds with my run keeper app on my phone.  The property has a circumference of half a kilometre and a lot of thistles by the fence.  So the villa sits in approximately 15,625 sq metres of land. The reason I’m telling you all this (yes, don’t worry there is a reason) is because all the properties around here are of a similar size so we don’t see much of our neighbours. In fact we haven’t see anyone since we arrived. But we have heard them. Not the people, just their animals.

Every morning…evening…and night, the dogs are barking.  When Karen and I went for a walk the other night we came across 2 of them.  One was an Alsatian (let’s call him Bruce, he looked like a Bruce) and the other was …errr…well it was a dog, but it looked like a bear.  We’ll call him Barnie.  Bruce had a normal doggie bark but when Barnie barks he sounds like the Barry White of the dog world (perhaps I should have called him Barry.  No, he was definitely a Barnie). Well there is one thing to say about having 2 dogs.  They never get bored of chatting to one another. Every time someone passes by they start:

Bruce:  Barnie, Barnie, quick there’s someone passing by!
Barnie: Who? Who? (Do that line out loud in a deep voice to get the full effect)
Bruce:  Come on quick, lets bark at him!
Barnie: Who? Who? (Still a good gag that one)
Bruce:  We need to warn everyone!Barnie: Ok. Dave! Dave!

I should have mentioned that Dave is a Golden Retriever who is guarding the house directly behind us.  I think the owners are German.

Dave:  Vot?
Barnie: There is someone on there way you?
Dave: Who?Barnie: That’s my line
Dave: Sorry. Should I bark at zem?
Barnie: Yeah better had do, just to be on the safe side
Dave: Vill do!
Barnie: oh hold on, no, he’s gone now.  Stand down everyone.

The problem is that Barnie and Bruce live on a main road, so this conversation happens every couple of minutes.  Day and night. Occasionally they include a donkey, a horse, a goat and a Yorkshire terrier with a bow in it’s hair in the conversation. If you then add the birds, including our regular visitor Hopper who shouts “poo, poo”, an eagle we have seen and heard and the cactus on the terrace which makes a popping noise as it sheds its seed, its all starting to get wee bit noisy.  Perhaps a fortnight in Ibiza may have been a bit more tranquil.